I only wish I started this sooner. I thought about keeping a journal to record my thoughts, but the truth is that I've gotten to hate writing in this keyboard-driven world. Even a simple thank you note can be painstaking. :^) I want to write to you because I know the effects of losing a parent too early and if that should happen to you, I want you to have something tangible from me to go along with your memories. I want you to have so much more than I did; along with that is the knowledge that you can make the best out of any situation.
You're already 3.5 months old! It seems like yesterday I was pregnant with you, feeling your kicks, seeing you move under my skin, and feeling your hiccups every day (which you still do). It has not been easy getting to finally meet you, but it's all been worth it. The first time I got to see you, it was 12 weeks into the pregnancy. Your heartbeat...it must be the same sound as an angel's beating wings; it was heaven.
We found out you were a boy at 20 weeks along - halfway through the pregnancy. I always knew you were a boy right from the beginning, though...motherly instinct, I guess. But it's nice to have that confirmation from the doctor so we can start planning for your arrival with all that is blue!
Naming you - that was a struggle. We bought this thick book with 50,000+ names and their meanings to get us started. We had some personal favorites and your dad really wanted you to have Lawrence as a middle name to follow the tradition of his middle name as well as his father's. We each had our lists of names that we kept separately until we had finished gathering, then we showed them to each other. Not one single name was the same, but several were similar like I had Ethan and your dad had Nathan. From there we still couldn't agree on one from either list, although for one day you were going to be called Jacob because I like the name Jake a lot. What I didn't like was that name was #1 on the boys name list. It's hard to feel unique and special when you have the same name as 10 other boys in your class. So back to the drawing board we went! Several weeks had passed; I had hoped that distancing myself from the list would help me re-focus and possibly come up with some new ideas.
It was your dad that found your name in the book. He was sitting next to me in the office and randomly mentioning names; some were just funny with no intention of ever giving it to you and others just didn't seem right. He was nearing the end of the "R" names when he said Ryker aloud. I can't recall if he said it any differently, but it just rang like a bell in the air and I knew - we both knew - that the name just felt right. The name means "Wealthy" and although most would read that as having a lot of money, I would like it to mean rich with love, respect, and admiration for life. I also liked that it was not a very popular name - somewhere around 300+ on the list of names from the Social Security Administration. (Since then I've heard of a couple other Ryker's, so who knows! My mom named me Molly because she thought it was unique and it ends up there were 5 in my graduating class.)
Unfortunately for your dad, Ryker Lawrence just didn't feel right - a bit of a mouthful we thought. I suggested Ryker James to honor my father and that motion passed without hesitation. Now we just had to pass the time until you arrived.
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